So everything was okay the other night. You slept until 7:30 the next morning. (aside from a couple of milky bobbles and diaper changes) I guess you were just tired. You were a little pale and had puffy eyes, but what does that mean anymore? The boys came home on Monday. You were fascinated with Sterling's elk and so happy to see your horses and dogs.
Tuesday's clinic visit went well. Your counts were good and they did not up your meds. PHEW.
The nurse had troubles with your port , but you were so brave and so forgiving. You were smiling by the time she administered the chemo. You were happy to see Dr. Wright and actually let her look in your mouth this time. You have a new tooth that you wanted to show off. So cute.
I've been making more friends with more cancer moms. It's great. You will get to meet more kids like you and Carson soon. They all understand what we've going through. I must admit though, It's hard to hear of some of the complaints these other kids have. You are to little to voice yourself and describe your suffering. I can't help wonder how much more you've had to suffer because you couldn't communicate to me what was wrong or what you might have needed. I'm so sorry for that. All I can say is I'm trying my best. I'm trying my best to care for needs now, as well as for the future. I'm trying to love you and spoil you without spoiling you rotten. I plan on you being around for a very long time, and I don't want you to be a brat. ( because I love you )
It's late again. I'm off to bed.
Love you Muffin. :)

Should I worry?

Okay, so it's 10:42 p.m. I put you down for a nap at about 5:30. You were looking a little worn out from a late night up watching Beauty And The Beast with Mikayla, an early morning Hopekids movie and a baby shower earlier today. I thought "perfect" I'll just put you down for a short nap while I pick my tomatoes, and clean up the kitchen. Well, it's been 5 hours. I can't help but worry. Are you coming down with something? Should I sneak in and check your temp? Should I listen to see if you are breathing okay? Ugh! I hate this! Maybe it is yesterday's dose of Methotrexate. Maybe I let you have to much sugar today and your blood sugar has plummeted. Maybe you are just tired. This sucks. I don't mean to be negative, I'm just venting. I'm sure you are just plain old tired. You are after all, still a growing kid. You run around like no kid I have ever seen too. You are so full of life energy it makes me tired to just watch you sometimes.
The boys are out hunting today. It's Sterling's first Elk hunt. You miss them and you miss your animals. It's pretty peaceful with out all those bodies coming and going in and out of the house, but, I miss them too. I wish we could be there, but it's finally getting too cold. I must admitt too, I like my time with my girls.
So you are down to 11 months of treatment. I'm so happy. I'm so happy that we were blessed to have you in our lives. So happy and grateful that the Lord has allowed you stay with us. I'm so grateful for the doctors and nurses who care enough about you and other kids to do their best to take care of you. We have been blessed to live in a time and a place where treatment is so easily available for you. I'm so blessed with 4 amazing kids. You are all so special and so good. It's an honor to be a mother of such special people. I truely don't deserve any of you, but I'd fight to my death if any one tried to take any of you from me. I will do whatever it takes to keep you all here with me. I think it's safe to say the same of your Dad. He loves you all so much.
Well, I guess I will go and check on you. I hope you are getting some good rest. I hope I'll get some tonight too!
Love you Jenna B!