Can't help but worry.

You have been sleeping since 5 o'clock. Why oh why? Is it the Vinc hitting you? Is it the upped dose of 6mp? Are you getting sick? Or, are you just tired from a long weekend of camping and fun? Please tell me it's from camping. You look fine, and act fine, but I never know with you. Only 3 months and 10 days of chemo left. I just want to get you through this with out any more hospital stays. They are so hard on you. All the antibiotics and being hooked up all day and stuck in a room is no way for my muffin to spend her time.
Learned of a couple more cancer diagnosis recently. It saddens me. Far too many. Why? Babies and children. It's just not right. Although all the cancer fighting cuties I know, have amazing spirits and are great examples to us all. It just makes me sad that you little ones have to teach us sometimes.

Summer is coming. Should have been here by now if you ask me, but I'm sure it's on the way. 2 more days of school left. You will be happy to have all the kids home for a while. We're going to have lots of fun!

Just Skipping Along

Catching up.

Well, you finally had your birthday. It was a beautiful day in so many ways. 1st of all because you are still here. There was a time when I was so afraid of losing you. I remember the days being alone in the car with you, (my sweet little unsuspecting baby). I would cry the entire way to the oncology clinic and you would be in the back seat smiling and dancing to the music or quietly sucking down a milky. I had to keep reminding myself that Leukemia was worse than the chemo you were about to receive. Anyway, it is still working, and I am so grateful for that. Secondly, the weather was wonderful. You spent the day playing with your little cousin Kip. You were so happy to just be outside with your trampoline, swings, slide, bubbles and squirt guns. I'm sure the best part for you was playing with Kip, your 2 bros and sister roonie Mikayla.  And 3rd, your dad was working out of town, so we didn't have your birthday party on your birthday but you had no expectations so disappointments. You were just happy!
We did have a party for you the following Thurs, and of coarse you were just thrilled! Nothing fancy, just burgers at the house with family and a couple of close friends and you were loving it! You're so easy to please. :)
We went to the property last weekend for the 1st time this year. It was a little rainy and crisp but it was so nice to be there! Just hard knowing that Aunt Carmie won't be there with us this summer. Well, at least not physically. I'm sure she'll be with us spiritually as often as she can. I know is at least looking over you. She loved you and I know she always had a soft spot for you.
You had your second to last back poke with chemo yesterday. YAY!  You came home and as usual, I had to fight to keep you off the trampoline. You'd think that after a spinal tap one would just want to go home and sleep off the meds. But oh no. Not my Jenna. Nothing gets her down. I love you for that! Only one more LP to go. (in August) We can do this. Only 3 more rounds of Vinc, and 3 more rounds of steroids. ( yah, not counting this one) It will be nice . May just flew by, I hope the next few months do too.  I try not to complain because you don't. I really hope you are doing as well it seems you are. I mean you NEVER complain. While we were camping you said your stomach felt stupid. Stupid? What does that mean? Was it the Methotrexate? Or was it the big ol' milky you had just chugged? Hard to tell. I  just hope that you aren't silently suffering. I pray every day for you that you will will tolerate the meds and that they will not have permanent negative side affects on your body. I'd say my prayers are being answered. I am forever in debt.
I hear so many sad things about how the meds affects other kiddos, both  acute and long term. It breaks my heart. Poor kiddos  are tired, sick,  head aches and sore backs from spinal taps, leg pain, stiff ankles, learning disabilities, the list goes on. I so wish kids didn't have to endure all this. Maybe someday the treatments will be soooo much better. Many of the other cancer moms  are participating in Cure Search to raise money for research for children's cancer. I think I'll do something too.
It's getting late and I am tired. I think I'm just exhausted from watching you expel so much energy. Seriously, we went fishing today and you did great all day on the boat. ( even on steroids) I love you Muffin.

Close to normal

Its hard to believe that you will be 3 in less than 2 weeks. I have so much to write about now but I am so tired. We had your fabulous Make A Wish trip this month. It was so amazing. You, well ( WE ) all had a very memorable time. I will have to blog about it when I have more time. But I must say that I am sooooooo grateful for everyone who donates to Make A Wish and Give Kids The World. Because of them, we were able to show you so many new things and create some very special memories together as a family. I wouldn't wish a sick child on anyone, and if I could give  it all back to guarantee your health I would, but I really wish that  everyone could have an experience like that at least once in their lifetime.  One great thing about the trip was while we were there, it was almost like old times. I hardly had time to worry about you. We were so busy having fun in kiddie paradise that I was able to let go of a lot of cares and just let you be a kid. (well, with lots of hand sanitizer involved) It felt like we were free for  a while. We got home at about 12:30 a.m. on Wed, and then you had clinic at 9:30 on Thurs. I could have waited until Tues, but that would be a week off of routine and I want to keep you on schedule the best that I can. Lets just GIT ER DONE! Counts are high right now but they chose not to change your doses until next month. They want to see if the recent increased dose will come into affect by then. I'm glad because your birthday is coming up and I want you be feeling as well as possible. :) Right now we are all walking on eggshells. It's steroid time again. Phew... We will only have to do steroids 4 more times. Only 4 more Vincristine injections and 2 more Lumbar punctures. Final day of Chemo is Sept 9th. then a big halt. What will it be like? I can't help but wonder. I know I will always worry but t will be nice to not have to put those harsh medicines in your little bod anymore. I still can't help but wonder how this happened to you to begin with. I wish I knew so that I could prevent it from ever coming back.  I still can't help wonder what I did or didn't do or what I  should have done better so that you never got the awful disease. As your mom I can't help but feel like I am responsible somehow. All I know is that I am going to do all that I know to do to keep you as healthy as I can at any cost. I would gladly take this from you and put it on myself if I could. I don't think I could handle it the way you do though. You are so happy and delightful and cheerful in spite of all that you endure.  I watch you every day with amazement. I want to be like you in the worst way. You love everyone and everything so freely with your big heart. It comes so natural to you.  I watch you and I try to learn. There are very few people like you. This world needs more. I hope you teach people to be more like you and  I hope you always stay this way. I really think you will. You have a very special energy about you.  I am so blessed and privileged to be your mom. It is truly an honor.
The weather is slowly getting better and soon we will be camping again. I can't wait. I know we are going to have a great summer!