I'm not going to lie. Sometimes I stay up late and think about childhood cancer and all that  you had to suffer through. I reflect back on your first week in the hospital and picture you rolling and screaming with agony and I want to scream and cry for you! I wish I had all of the knowledge I have gained over these past three yrs back then. I think I might have been able to understand the limited communication you had and help you be more comfortable.  I wonder how it happened and why I didn't know something was wrong sooner. Why did I ignore the yucky feeling in my gut when your Dad noticed that your belly was bloated? Did I allow you to be exposed to something? Did I let a cold go too long? Ugh. I guess I just want to tell you that I am sorry if this happened to you because of my lack of parenting skills. And I am sorry for all that you had to suffer through. I am sorry for not understanding your 1 yr old communication efforts.  I am sorry for being short with you when you were throwing tantrums because you felt so horrible and no one understood. I thought you were approaching the " Terrible Twos" early because you have always been advanced for your age.  Cancer never crossed mind. Not even once. I thought I was doing all the right things for you to avoid cancer not only as a child but as an adult. I continue to do what I think is best for you and your siblings within reason. I figure that I have to let you all live life and be kids too.  I wish so badly that I could have suffer all this for you. You are the light of my life. You are the sweetest most cheerful, playful, just plain delightful human being I have ever met. I am honored to be your mommy.  I am proud of who you are. I am proud of your strength, courage and determination. I know sometimes those qualities will bite me in the butt however, I would never change you or try to break your spirits down.
I love you Jenna B. I would go through Hell and back as many times as it takes to keep you well and happy.
Sleep tight,

Mom

Silly Girl

So while blogging is on my mind... Just thought I'd leave a quick note about something that you did today.
So the Buck girls ( your little twin friends) brought an Easter egg with a single candy for you and your brothers and Mikayla. I told you not to eat the others' and you said you wouldn't. You hid the eggs under their pillows. When we picked them up from school you exclaimed with excitement : " there is a surprise under your pillow!" When we got home, they ran to find their eggs. What a surprise! They had a tiny crumb of a piece of candy inside. Ha Ha. At least you didn't eat the whole thing. Sky and Kayla didn't find it funny at all. I know you weren't trying to be funny. You actually thought that they would be happy that you saved them a piece. They were mean and you felt bad. You said sorry and I explained to you why they were upset. Sterling understood and loved you better. He knows you just couldn't help yourself. You are too cute!
We love you!