8 months to go!

Oh my. Here we are again. you are snoring away in a hospital bed as I look at you and wonder what is going on in your little body. All tests are coming up neg for infection and yet your counts are dropping and your temp is rising. We've managed to keep you out of this place for 7 months. Not too bad, but still not good enough. Only 8 months of treatment left. I hope this is your last admission. I'd love to see you go allthe way to Sept. without being hospitalized.
The Holidays came and left and I was too busy to blog, but they were great. It was so nice to be able to take you to every family gathering. You got to sit on Santa's lap, play with all of your cousins and open lots of presents! We all had a good time seeing you so happy and excited.
We are going through some hard times right now, but with the love and support of our families and friends it sure makes things easier.
You are awake now and smiling at your piggy movie while you suck down a milky bobble. Hard to believe that since you are being pumped full of some really harsh antibiotics and your temp is 104. Oh and I forgot to mention that you are anemic and could use a transfusion but we are trying to get you by without one. I've said it many times before but I will say it again. You amaze me little one. You are always a delight to be around.
This morning when you woke up and realized that we were here and we didn't go home from the ER last night you said you wanted to go home. I told you that we needed to stay so you could have more medicine and you were cool with that. Then you asked if Aunt Kassie was going to come and play Play Doh with you. It didn't register with me at first, but then I realized that you were remembering your last hospital stay 7 months ago. I can't help but wonder what you think about. You are so smart. Maybe when you are older you will tell me things that you remember. I don't like to dwell in the past . I really just want you to focus on you being a happy kid living as normal of a life that you can in spite of things. Always moving forward. I try to make the best of situations like this and you make it easy. But maybe once we are through this, you can enlighten me on your perspective of how it all went. (if you remember)
Oh on the bright side of things today, your favorite PA Robert Lucas came back from a 5 month leave and stopped in twice to see you today. He brought you a cute little stuffed goat which you love. :)
Well you are reaching for me now, so I better take care of you. I love you little sister. Get well, be strong and turn that corner for us.

Then and now

Your first haircut.....

My little baldy on her horse last Christmas. :)

Well so here I sit again. It's been a while since I've since I've posted. It's December all ready. Yikes!

We put up our little apartment sized tree up last week. I was thinking it was going to be pathetic, but once we decorated it with all the little sentimental ornaments and plugged it in, I was pleasantly surprised at how cute it turned out. It's another reminder of where we were with you a year ago. Nanna Thomas picked that little tree up for us because she knew with your counts being frightening low we weren't going to bring in a real tree and risk you getting ill from a fungus or other germs it might harbor, and I was so overwhelmed I didn't even feel like decorating. It was so sweet of her. She showed up with that little pre-lit tree and some ornaments and it was ready in about 5 minutes. The best part is that it was a cinch to put away too. And so here we are again with our cute little tree. Everyone is content with it. (I have to wonder if it haunted though. The ornaments keep moving around.) Hmmmm.

So some exciting news: Make A Wish contacted me the other day and you made a Wish Kid. They have sent you a key to the wishing room and you will get to make your wish VERY soon.

I am so excited for you. I hope you get wish for something that will make you truly happy. You deserve it. You have suffered so much at such a young age. You have been unable to communicate how things have made you feel or understand what was going on and why all of this was happening to you. And yet some how, none of it got you down. Even through the worst of it you were happy, loving, and sweet. You still grew physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. And the greatest thing is that you have taught others and helped them grow along the way. You have enlightened people and have opened a lot of doors and windows.

So many people have stepped up to the plate to make a difference because of your influence. Some (MANY) donated blood. Some are considering the bone marrow registry. ( including me)

Others have ran marathons, and did bike races, to raise money for Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. I have a jersey from a man whose team thought of you all during training and throughout their race to give them strength. A man and a team you have never met. People care. Good friends have become our best friends. Family has stood by us and suffered with us.

I am meeting so many other cancer moms. They all have an incredible story to tell. It gives me strength. Sometimes it gets to be a bit much for me, I'll admit it. So much sadness. And it's hard to hear the complaints of the other children. I wonder how much you might have suffered just because you couldn't voice things to me. I'm so sorry for this. It breaks my heart to try and imagine what you have gone through. I do know this. You have always seemed very grateful for anything that I have for your care taking. I know you understood and understand still that I'm doing my best to help you. You have been very trusting and forgiving through it all. How can ever thank you for not fighting me and the doctors? I know I say it a lot, but you amaze me. You are fighting this disease, and loving everything and everyone around you.

Christmas is almost here. I'm so happy and grateful that you are here and we are able to join in all of the festivities as a whole family this year. So far it's been great. We are having a bad financial year, but we are making the best of it. The best gift we have this year is each other. Something I will never take for granted. I pray for those who are where we were last year and hope that they still are able to have a good holiday. I pray for those who aren't doing so well right now that will pull through and rebound quickly. Life is so precious, and family is invaluable. Remember that baby.

Loving you pieces

Mom